DETROIT, MI – The Red Wings have made the biggest international free agent acquisition in NHL history. They have reached an unprecedented $300 million 16-year deal with Icelandic center Gunnar Magnusson. They will also pay a $20 million posting fee to his Icelandic club Skautafélag Akureyrar. This landmark deal dwarfs Alexander Ovechkin’s $124 million 13-year contract in 2008.
Team president Jim Devellano believes this signing marks a turning point for the struggling franchise. “We have secured a seasoned superstar and our captain for years to come”, he says at a press conference. Although the average career of a hockey player is about 4.5 years, he doesn’t hesitate to defend this bold 16 year commitment citing that Icelandic people have the longest life expectancy in the world, implying that he expects Magnusson will have a longer than average playing career.
Magnusson, who happens to be a plumber by trade in his home country, told reporters he was pleasantly surprised when he received the call about the offer from the Red Wings. He said, “I never imagined anybody would pay so much money for me to play such a silly sport.”
Magnusson is regarded as the Sidney Crosby of Icelandic hockey given his dominant track record in the country’s top hockey league, where he has played since age 17 while leading his club to 11 consecutive championship titles. “He is well on track to securing his place in the Icelandic hockey hall of fame having scored 200 goals with 300 assists in the past 5 seasons,” says his agent Flosi Ericsson with a big smile on his face.
Magnusson’s contract includes a no trade no minors clause, which means he must remain on the Red Wings’ NHL roster throughout the next 16 seasons.
Iceland emerged as a hockey powerhouse nation in 1992 due to their second place finish at the Goodwill Games, ahead of both Canada and Russia.
When asked how he feels about Icelandic hockey players being portrayed as villains in American media, he casually replied, “I think it’s a rather generous depiction of Icelandic hockey.”
The contract includes Magnusson’s plumbing services.
The Wet Beaver 