TORONTO, ON – In an effort to reduce traffic collisions, police will soon start ticketing any pedestrians seen texting and walking. According to the Insurance Bureau of Canada, 26% of all crashes involve phone use. “Distracted walking doesn’t just cause property damage,” says a public relations representative from the CAA. “More importantly, it puts at risk the resale value of cars, like my luxury Tesla.”
Ontario’s Ministry of Transportation has been urged to consider a licencing and registration system for sidewalk use, which would require all pedestrians to wear a blue “Place to Grow” sign on their back. However, there are concerns over how these new measures will be enforced given that nobody wants to wear an ugly q-tip box on their jacket.
The Wet Beaver 